No he hecho un rant en un rato así que soy atrasado. ¿Por qué cualquier persona no me recordó? Este rant particular es inspirada por una visita reciente a Perez Hilton y tomará la forma de un concurso. Apenas pregúntese, ¿Soy más elegante que un celebutante?

Panorama A

Usted está teniendo un día del balneario en un balneario de moda del día en Hollywood cuando en las caminatas París Hilton. Usted nota que ella escoge un pulimento llamativo del color--Rojo de Slutty. Sin embargo, como un lector regular de este blog que usted sabe la marca de fábrica tiene bastante formaldehído para conservar en vinagre una pradera por completo de Gopher. ¿Qué usted haría?

A. París es un alcohol emparentado. Deseo los dedos del pie rojos slutty también.
B. Déjela ir con su opción. Ella es demasiado lejana ida para que diferencie de todos modos.
C. Necesito la cadera este polluelo a Priti pulimentos antes de que ella se mate.

Si usted escogió A, no sé usted incluso encontró este blog. Qué agrio. Usted debe haber seguidome encima de Perez Hilton. Si usted eligió B, abraza y los besos a usted. Usted es un pesimista después de mi propio corazón. ¿Y C? Su lugar en cielo se asegura, pero usted tendrá más diversión en infierno con el resto de nosotros. ¡Afloje para arriba ya!

Panorama B

Usted tiene sus dedos del pie hechos y ahora Helga la amante del balneario le está ejerciendo presión sobre para conseguir un tan. Usted nota que es Lindsay Lohan naturelle del au en una de las camas que broncean. Usted:

A. Pida el Lohan especial. Esas pecas en Lindsay son clase de lindo.
B. Advierta a Lindsay sobre la radiación (UV) ultravioleta. Melanoma is not hot.
C. Tell Helga the Spa Mistress to back off and point you toward a tube of SPF 20.

Chose A did you? You're a risk taker--and stupid too. If you chose B, let me quote you a line from Romeo and Juliet, Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too? In other words, just pray for Lindsay, that's all we can do at this point. Finally, if you chose C you've got quite a pair on you. Staring down Helga is no walk in the park.

Scenario C

You notice there is a pic of Nicole Ritchie on the wall. You like what she's done with her hair so you decide to get yours colored too. As Helga mixes your color, you read the back of the box and note that the dye contains lead acetate--a known reproductive toxin. Do you--

A. Just roll with it. Nicole managed to get pregnant and that anorexia thing worked itself out just fine.
B. Inform Helga of the dangers of hair dye and point her toward some safer choices.
C. Helga's moustache scares you so you tell her you're pressed for time and just want a facial.

Chose A? I see an oncologist in your future. I'm psychic that way. If you chose B, once again you're headed for sainthood, but you'll have more fun with the rest of us in the other place. I'd wuss out and just go with C myself.

Scenario D

Helga hands you off to her daughter Heidi for a facial. As the steam opens your pores, you glance over at the tray of creams and lotions. You notice a very popular brand of face cream that you know for a fact contains hydroquinone--a fading agent on the FDA watch list. What to do?

A. Heidi has her mother's moustache. I'm just going to be quiet and take one for the team.
B. Fake a seizure, that way you can get out of the facial and don't have to pay.
C. Ask Heidi for a product containing alpha hydroxy or kojic acid. They work just as well and aren't suspected carginogens.

Don't try B unless you're a good actress. Spa Mistresses are used to people trying to pull this one and Heidi is a former Greco-Roman wrestler--Olympic level. C is the politically correct answer--you're on your way to having a holiday named after you. Personally, I'm in favor of A. Pick your battles and live to fight another day.